We’re two weeks into the family of four and we’re still adjusting.
Daughter has shown a good interest and care of the new boy – she wants to see him when she wakes up and say good night when she goes to bed which is great to see.
She’s not as impressed with her parents though, and is giving us a hard time, pushing and testing her boundaries and inventing excuses if we upset her by telling he off..
Three examples of our daughters’ imganiation:
- “You made me sad because you helped me too much on the climbing frame”
Real cause of sadness: She wanted to stay at the playground but it was time to go home
- “Daddy made me sad because he wouldn’t let me brush my teeth”
Real cause of sadness: She refused to brush her teeth herself so I did it.
- “I’m sad because Mummy wouldn’t let me get dressed”
Real cause of sadness: Wifey told her off for not getting dressed
We thought daughter might have a problem with the boy and direct anoyance and frustration at him, but didn’t expect us to be at the receiving end so much. She seems to love him and now regularly tells us that we make her sad which is really hard to hear. We have to keep reminding ourselves that she’s only 4 and is trying to process some complex emotions.
This pregnancy seems to be all about waiting.
For months we waited to see if this month would be the one, and for months we were disappointed.
The midwife appointments gave us more things to worry and wait for – bump is too big, test after test to rule out all the nasty possible causes.
Them waiting and waiting to get in the right position, before giving up and having him forcibly turned, and then waiting to check he hadn’t wriggled back…
And nOw he’s overdue and we wait. They tried a sweep today and that didn’t work, things weren’t properly aligned. So again we wait.
Baby continues to grow.
And we wait.
We are having a 50/50 success rate, but it’s more luck than skill. She’s calling out for the potty a lot, and it isn’t too difficult to get her to sit down on it, but she’s only doing drops at a time, and when she doesn’t call for the potty she just makes a little damp patch on her clothes.
Apparently this is very common, which is good to know but not very helpful. Because modern nappies are so effective in soaking up wee to keep babies comfortable, the baby doesn’t actually realise she’s doing a wee, and gives a regular drip-drip-drip.
So the mental battle to go to the potty when the urge arises has almost been won, the physical ability to “hold it in” doesn’t exist and needs to be learnt.
So far our record is 9 changes of pants in one day at nursery. The laminate and tiled floors in our house have been a godsend the past three days.
Top five lessons so far
- You can’t have too many spare pairs of pants ready.
- Turn the heating up and have them wear as little as possible fr the waist down.
- Roll up all your rugs and keep the little one away from carpets where possible.
- If you live in a house get two pottys – one for upstairs and one for downstairs – when she says she’s going to go, you don’t have much time (she may have already gone).
- Sandals or plastic/rubber shoes like crocs are great so you don’t get trainers filling with piss.
This week is a big week for us, our little girl is going to nursery and wifey is heading back to work. And so begins another shift in how we live and we begin the ever meandering logistics of pick ups and drop offs, and who’s meant to be where when.
We’re both very fortunate to have flexible employers who are allowing us to work from home some part of the week, and for wifey to reduce her total hours so she can spend a few quality days out of 7 with the little one.
Wifey is dealing with things very well so far, and most of her anxiety has been about getting back into the swing of things at work rather than how our growing baby will cope at nursery. I think we’ll both be quite relieved when this week is over and we start to learn our new routine.
Now baby is crawling with purpose, she’s started to pull herself up on toys and most frustratingly, in her cot.
This wouldn’t be a problem if she could lower herself back down, but she hasn’t learnt that yet so gets herself upright, stands tall gnawing at the bars and then gets tired but can’t sit down. The only thing she can do is scream for help until we come and guide her down, and the cycle repeats until she’s eventually too knackered to stand and eventually falls asleep slumped in the corner..!
So baby is now showing a lot of interest in moving about. In the space of a week she gone from being on her tummy and looking around to getting the coordination to start shuffling around.
I knew it would be another big change when she started to crawl but the impact is really hitting home now! Stair gates are up, a plastic screen is over the HiFi and kitchen cupboards have annoying catches fitted…
The new pills are definitely an improvement, I’m able to step out of the gloom a lot more and have more confidence to be proactive about things instead of withdrawing and shutting this out. This is good news for everyone.
One things that has surprised me is the number of people I know who are also taking or considering antidepressants, a large percentage. Is English life really so miserable? Is society so flawed that we are unable to see the best in life, inspire success and empathise with difficulties? Why do so many people feel isolated and lonely, especially in cities with populations of millions?
Someone wiser than me might have a chance figuring it out.
In the meantime, the pills are being popped and I’m doing my best to get on with things, and maybe, just maybe enjoying the odd little moment…
An update on a few things.
Baby is doing very well, she’s getting a lot stronger, moving into the 3 month clothes nicely and you can see real developments in the way she interacts with her toys, gripping and pulling, fingers moving independently and she’s starting to push her self around with her feet (the thought of her getting more and more mobile is quite scary!
I’m still popping pills, coming up Ito a month now, and haven’t notice anything spectacular. I’ve got a checkup this week to review things so I’ll get some advice then. No news yet on therapy, but they did warn that can take quite a long time to arrange.
Its my birthday this time of year and I had a night out with friends and family which was great, I could forget about all my worries and stresses and slip back into an old me and relax and have fun. I probably drank too much as I’m not used to it but it was great to see people I hadn’t seen for ages and catch up.
At the weekend we did some DIY jobs, a bit of painting and fixed some cupboards, me and wifey were lucky that baby took an extra long afternoon nap and we could get stuck into something, it was good to do something productive which didn’t just involve baby!
That’s it for now, I will try and write more, more often…
It’s been a bit quiet on here, in the tradition of blogging I’ve been struggling for time and knowing what to write.
It’s been two weeks since I started popping pills to help sort out my depression. In that time I haven’t really felt any different, but at least I’m doing something, and that helps wifey cope.
I’ve seen the doc again for a two week check, been given another prescription and had a referral for therapy. As part of the referral process I had to complete a questionnaire when I then discussed in a phone assessment. I was classified as moderately to severely depressed and recommended one to one therapy. There’s quite a waiting lust so it will probably take 2-3 months before I get to see anyone, hopefully the pills will have kicked by then.
I have got quite into the Olympics over the last two weeks, it’s been good to focus on and do something together with wifey, something which baby can’t really disrupt too much (hearing commentary isn’t critical!). I’m not sure what we’ll do when it’s all over today! We’ll both be miserable 😦
I’ll admit, I’m finding it hard to motivate myself to blog at the moment. I’m still taking pills and trying to be positive about things but it’s hard work not slipping into a stupid self pitying slumber.
But less about that for now. At the weekend we had some friends come to stay with their two children – one starting nursery and one about to start primary school. The house was full of family noise and chaos – children running about screaming in excitement which soon turned to tears as inevitable accidents occurred. Me and wifey were a little apprehensive about having friends to stay, even though they were people we knew very well and hadn’t seen them for too long. After the drama of the week a quiet weekend would have been the easy option, but looking back it was a good thing over all – I could have spent the weekend wallowing on my own but instead had some good chats with my friends and enjoyed their company.
The house did feel pleasantly calm on their departure though, and after a house full of 4 adults and 3 little ones our little family of three seemed a lot more manageable.